


Children

by Abitfairytailforme



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, F/F, Friendship, Kids, Missing Scene, Stop tagging already!, That was long..., They really love their kids, Wednesday's Episode, and intense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 09:13:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11078529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abitfairytailforme/pseuds/Abitfairytailforme
Summary: "It's the fact that we keep threatening the wives with their children. I mean, it's a weapon and a good one, and anything to help us catch the bad guys, but then I think about Jesse. And, it's just..."





	Children

**Author's Note:**

> Hello hello hello all! I just finished watching that Disney length episode. Also the length of that episode was exactly where any resemblance to a Disney movie stops. Anyway, the whole time I was watching it, I could not help but notice how many times they threaten their children and how I wanted to write this piece. Sorry for any grammar issues and enjoy.

It was late. Too late to be honest. Amanda didn't dare turn her body the 25 degrees clockwise and look at the time because she knew it was late and didn't want to know just how late. She was dipping a teabag in an out of a, quickly cooling, mug and staring blankly ahead, not really aware that the teabag was spent and the tea was getting cold. All she could think of was the things she had said during this case. The threats, the anger, the person she can't believe she really was. Just 6 years ago she came to SVU, but now that she actually thinks that number, she realizes how very  _long_ that was. Six years, and it definitely affected her, probably not for the better. She remembers being happier, less sleep deprived, and less angry just 6 years ago. She hadn't been so ready to do what she'd been doing recently. 

Amanda'd been so in thought that she didn't notice that her superior had entered the break room... three minutes ago, and had been staring at the blonde who wasn't moving except to keep dunking that teabag. Eventually, Olivia moved to their refrigerator, what she'd come for in the first place, but also purposefully into Amanda's line of vision. There was no reaction for a moment, and Olivia grabbed her drink from the fridge. Amanda suddenly jerked out of thought as Olivia closed the fridge and glanced over at her.

"Oh, didn't see you." Amanda muttered, blush creeping up as she realized that what she had been doing, tossing away the teabag - finally - and taking a sip. 

"Everything alright, Amanda?" Olivia asked, taking a swing from her own drink - seltzer - too, before turning her gaze on Amanda. The one that made Amanda shiver and feel vulnerable, even though Olivia probably didn't mean for it to have that effect. Amanda looks down, to the drink in her hand even though it wasn't interesting; anything to get away from that unnerving gaze. 

"It's just this case, really getting to me, you know?" She says, still not meeting her boss's gaze. Olivia slumps against the the refrigerator, nodding, even though Amanda can't see it. 

"I know. The amount of hate and ra-" 

"No, it's not that." Amanda says, whipping her head up to look at her superior, who's staring at her in shock that she's not upset about that. "I mean, that's obviously really upsetting too, but at this current moment, I'm thinking more about what we have to do to get information."

"Yeah, the system's messed up." Olivia agrees, before even hearing the specifics. 

"Not just that. It's the fact that we keep threatening the wives with their children. I mean, it's a weapon and a good one, and anything to help us catch the bad guys, but then I think about Jesse. And, it's just..." Amanda shivers slightly, takes another sip before continuing, "Every time I do it, I question what would happen if anybody ever did that to me. Said to me, "If you don't do XYZ your child'll suffer." I just don't know what I'd do." Olivia nods, fully getting it now.

"I know what you mean. Sometimes afterwards I have to just sit at my desk and stare at my photo of Noah for a minute, you know?" Amanda nods, often doing the same. 

"I just worry all the time about her already. Being a single mother is tough, Liv, tougher than I thought it'd be, and I always thought it would be tough." Olivia nods absentmindedly. "And I'm always so scared what's going to happen to Jesse if something happens to me on the force." Amanda says, her voice wavering. "I mean, I don't want Jesse in child serves, but I don't trust her with my sister or mother either. They're my only family, who is she supposed to go to?" Olivia nods.

"It's the same with Noah. I'm his only family, and he's already been in foster care before. I can't even imagine him there again." The two women stare at each other for a moment before speaking at the same time.

"Do you think-"

"Is it possible-" They stop, realizing they're speaking over each other. Amanda nods, a single that Olivia should speak. Olivia takes a deep breath. "Do you think you could be Noah's legal guardian in case... in case anything happens."

"Only if you'd do the same for Jesse." They look at each other for a while, aware of the responsibility and trust they'd be putting into each other's hands. They were quite literally betting on their kid's lives. 

"I would." Olivia whispers, but hesitates, "It's late." Olivia says, admittedly, that this was her problem. "I'm scared we're jumping to a decision, especially since we're tired." Amanda nods in agreement.

"Yeah, but... do you think it's possible we sleep on it, maybe wait till this case is over so that we're not as vulnerable, we can talk about it again. As a serious and real option?" Olivia nods.

"Nothing would make me happier." Olivia admits, just knowing that one day there could possibly be reassurance for her son's future, not matter what happens to her.

"We just have to hope we both don't die at once." Amanda says, aiming for dark comedy but just ending up making them both sadder. Olivia stares at Amanda.

"Go home, Amanda, I'm going to go home too. Watch my son sleep, and I suggest you do the same." Olivia says, slipping out of the kitchen and leaving Amanda to stare at the wall again until she can't anymore.


End file.
